My dad hasn't ever really been there except for my birthday and Christmas when it is time to give me money. I love my dad, I just wish I had gotten to have a relationship with him. He chose an addiction over his kids. I am really envious of girls with fathers that spend time with them...but the only thing I can hope for is that my husband will be there for our kids like I wished my dad had been.
That brings me to my next point.
My whole life, I have just dated people because I was just looking for a father. I just want someone to love me. That's all. Just an unconditional love. I want someone to protect me. I would like to have someone be there for me.
I am really bad about pushing away the people that I REALLY care about and really care about me, and inviting the ones in that couldn't give two fucks about me. And that is my problem. I am so afraid that someone I truly care about will stop caring.
Which is why I am working on making better relationships with people. I have to find someone that I know isn't gonna hurt me. I know that I am gonna have to accept that I will never have one of those "father-daughter" relationships. It's a fantasy. But I can do my best to make sure that I establish good, intimate relationships with people I love. Which is exactly what I am working on.
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